Parenting is an ART..so is maintaining Any Relationship!!

I have been reading a book since a few months...Yup, I'm taking months to read cos I am not a regular reader...or I better say, I don't get time to be one....and I happen to re-read many of its pages as and when I feel the need to. It was about Simple Ways to reduce STRESS but the book and the author has lots more to say beyond the topic and I simply love his quotes as much as I love Sudha Gupta's parenting tips...I am till date a loyal follower of her tips :-) Just read a post today at my favourite forum, an elderly woman who is now into the HALL OF FAME for that forum speaks of simple ways to be humble and maintain healthy relations and her small thread is flooded with replies. It says - Be it any age ... it demands respect .... each age has a different definition of RESPECT..

a 3 yr old - let her choose her choice of dress to her activity class - she feels resepcted
a 10 yr old - let him/her choose his dish from the menu - he feels respected
a 14 yr old - let him /her choose own set of friends...advise...dont tag any of them - he/she feels respected
a 18 yr old - let him/her choose the way of dressing to a party - he/she feels respected
a 21 yr old - let him/her choose the path of earning - he/she feels respected and come back to you/parents for advise and guidance
a 27 yr old - let him/her choose the one he/she wants to spend life with - he/she feels respected
a 30 yr old - let them decide the way they wish to maintain the house and spend on their child - they feel respected
a 40 yr old - let them be approached for suggestions for  decisions at home and work - they feel respected
a 50 yr old - let them advise you to what way should be taken to save for future - they feel respected
a 65 yr old - let them hear being praised for their efforts infront of their grandchildren - they feel respected

So, said the wise lady, respect differs to each person and each age...All thats needed is to be humble enough to understand where to be assertive.....to be able to differentiate, realise and agree that its time you leave your nest and move with time....to be able read the psychology that which are those 8 times out of 10 when you should leave your loved ones free to decide and support them in society rather than having pity on yourself for not having been heard...which are those 8 minor decisions you let them take...which will then make them trust you for those 2 major decisions in life.

I had a topic in my mind, I wanted to write about -  "PROMISES I MAKE TO MYSELF" but I realised that before I pen down about that , there's much more I need to realise, learn, gather experience. Here, it reminds me of a single dialogue once stated by my uncle cum guide, Dr.Ashwani Malhotra - "You are a doctor now, but before being anything...learn to BE HUMAN !! Learn to differentiate when to have pity...when to have sympathy...when to be strict..when to be arrogant ...when to be humble and when to be adamant. At each phase and stage of life, learn to forget who you are and how old you are.....learn to realise and accept that when the other is NOT WRONG, there's no harm in agreeing to him. That is how you maintain healthy relations, be it with your parents, siblings, friends or colleagues." SO true that was...he must not even be remembering now about this but I do :-)

I, hereby thank all whom I get to learn from...my parents, my sibs, my daughter, my relatives, my friends, my foes...all :-) Each lesson makes us a better human...if we wish to learn from it and most of all Implement it.

Remember...d you remember.... Who's turn is it now??

Oye chal na aj gol gappe khane chalte hain.....n tab our joint used to be Prince ke gol gappe. Mumma hum jaein? aapke liye chowmein le aenge....you know friends..my li'll sis used to be sooooo chubby...fat, must I say....her classmates bullied her... and I used to fight at home - humei alag school mei kar do..iske friends isse chhedte hain..ye roti hai...school ka lunch nahi khaati...main kya sabse ladti hi rahungi. My Gol Gappa, she was and later accompanied me to eat gol gappas, which she never ate...lol...PAISE for 2 plates, one for both but we used to have one , get her aloo chat !! Moti, do u remember that fight, kaise bhool sakti hai, we keep narrating that to everyone till date, when you bit me and I hit you hard on your back and each fight of ours or us sneaking away from cleaning our room  ended with mum's typical dialogues - jis ghar mei do behne hoti hain na, vaha to dhunde se bhi zameen pe tinka nahi milna chaiye......behno mei to ek dusre ki jaan basi hoti hai...tum dono to mujhe pagal kar dogi...rofl....But see mumma, I proudly say TODAY...hum mei ek dusre ki jaan basi hai :-) and hum dono ke ghar mei hote hue apko dhunde se bhi ek tinka nahi milega :-) Plz exclude Sam's sharartein from all this !!

My milk glasses always poured into moti's tummy making her chubbier and softer and her veggies into my plate...dekho shuru se kitna dhyan rakhte the ek dusre ka hum...root cause..mumma ne kuch bacha hua dekh liya to daant padegi.....so SAATHI HAATH BADANA ..... lol. She used to play with dolls and I was the authorotative teacher. I was like one of her dolls who was growing with her, whom she loved to dress and decorate...hahaha...that reminds me of " BUCHHI" bechare ko parlor parlor khelte khelte ganja kar dala tha humne. But he was soon replaced by Yashu...ganja hone ke liye nahi...to be pampered. Me, a meek character and she, a rebellion ...... me, a writer,a composer, her singer and she, my artist, my crafts lead, my tomboy......me, a stick on her head to study during late nights for exams and she, my voice for all that I needed to ask for...WE.....EACH OTHER'S STRENGTH !!

Hey, mumma papa...you should be so elated and proud to have such kids ;-) ajkal ke bachhe kaha itna pyar karte hain ek dusre se....hahaha. I wonder how kids to the same set of parents with the same nurturing, vary so much in nature, behaviour and then in their fortune .... but blessed we are, having been instilled with values that help us in all goods and bads and more so blessed we are to have the best men as our partners, who are both our weakness as well as our strength.

Thanking mum papa for everything and our respective men in our lives, I would KINDLY like to insist...not to take these posts as our weakness ...Tareef kar di to aasmaan pe mat chad jana koi bhi...I AM EQUALLY A NEED FOR ALL OF YOU ...... hahahaha!!!

Moments cherished !! Home...dedicated to mumma papa and bhai ;-)

I'm digging hard to catch hold of any one instance of the many that are dashing in my mind to begin with... My li'll bro.. so cute he was, now turned into a macho... :-) making me run behind him...where's my baby..behind the curtains...under the table... mmm...here you are..chalo..open your mouth and have a bite...NAH...and there he runs off...another 30 minutes of parade and the li'll tummy is full for this mealtime. Days passed by, so did weeks and months and years, when I saw him grow into a teenager, my chubby boy dressed in a doctor's coat or as a policeman or as KRISHNA each year till he was 6-7, now insists on letting him choose his style of wear and me and Sis here convincing mum dad on one side and him on the other and this continues till date for different matters :-)

Another part of childhood I see now at back of my eyes.... my koochie koo is not well...what was it, I don't remember....mum's badly upset making hell lot of dishes in small quantities, he might put something in his little mouth. O Lord !! why can't kids explain whats wrong..how do I help him...calling docs..pouring in medicine was all the more harder... Burden at workplace, should I go or not..my baby needs me at home, DIDIS cannot replace mumma-papa. Papa's endless calls from office - How's he, did he eat something, should I get something he feels like eating..Okay we'll take him to another doctor today...Sun Sets, there comes Papa with a rolling car to make him happy and we four surround him, making him busy and befooling him into eating something. Papa is singing songs and dancing in front of him..Mumma preparing something and we two sisters, unknowingly, are learning PARENTING !! Clothes were his fantasy and so was dressing him for mum and papa and he was like a soft toy, OUR POSSESSION, for us two.

Growing together, we never realised mumma papa were growing old too :-( We could see ourselves trun into youngsters, and adults with million dreams in our eyes...we couldn't see them with fewer but realistic dreams or should I say expectations from life, of giving the best and safe future to their beloved kids...until the day I got married !!! Then was my sis's turn and bro reaches out to hostel, mumma papa left behind with all these sweet and sour memories. Must have hurt them, for sure. I can realise when I see my girl grow each day..when I see old pics of my li'll bro. We, family, love each other sooo much...how we missed all those years...those moments, not having expressed our love and appreciation. But Its never late :-) A BIG CHANGE..the house we 3 grew up for 20+ years of our life is being shifted from now. Mumma papa moving forward with life but I can see the memory flushes on their faces, when they talk of small incidents that happened in the TV room or under the dining table hmpphh!!

How hard they prayed for us, what toll they have paid for us all these years. Mumma Papa, we all love you so very much and feel sorry for not being good enough at expressing that, but you know we do :-) Its the same for parents as well as kids - ALL PARENTS AND KIDS MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT PARENTS AND KIDS BUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER PERFECTLY !!