Parenting is an ART..so is maintaining Any Relationship!!

I have been reading a book since a few months...Yup, I'm taking months to read cos I am not a regular reader...or I better say, I don't get time to be one....and I happen to re-read many of its pages as and when I feel the need to. It was about Simple Ways to reduce STRESS but the book and the author has lots more to say beyond the topic and I simply love his quotes as much as I love Sudha Gupta's parenting tips...I am till date a loyal follower of her tips :-) Just read a post today at my favourite forum, an elderly woman who is now into the HALL OF FAME for that forum speaks of simple ways to be humble and maintain healthy relations and her small thread is flooded with replies. It says - Be it any age ... it demands respect .... each age has a different definition of RESPECT..

a 3 yr old - let her choose her choice of dress to her activity class - she feels resepcted
a 10 yr old - let him/her choose his dish from the menu - he feels respected
a 14 yr old - let him /her choose own set of friends...advise...dont tag any of them - he/she feels respected
a 18 yr old - let him/her choose the way of dressing to a party - he/she feels respected
a 21 yr old - let him/her choose the path of earning - he/she feels respected and come back to you/parents for advise and guidance
a 27 yr old - let him/her choose the one he/she wants to spend life with - he/she feels respected
a 30 yr old - let them decide the way they wish to maintain the house and spend on their child - they feel respected
a 40 yr old - let them be approached for suggestions for  decisions at home and work - they feel respected
a 50 yr old - let them advise you to what way should be taken to save for future - they feel respected
a 65 yr old - let them hear being praised for their efforts infront of their grandchildren - they feel respected

So, said the wise lady, respect differs to each person and each age...All thats needed is to be humble enough to understand where to be assertive.....to be able to differentiate, realise and agree that its time you leave your nest and move with time....to be able read the psychology that which are those 8 times out of 10 when you should leave your loved ones free to decide and support them in society rather than having pity on yourself for not having been heard...which are those 8 minor decisions you let them take...which will then make them trust you for those 2 major decisions in life.

I had a topic in my mind, I wanted to write about -  "PROMISES I MAKE TO MYSELF" but I realised that before I pen down about that , there's much more I need to realise, learn, gather experience. Here, it reminds me of a single dialogue once stated by my uncle cum guide, Dr.Ashwani Malhotra - "You are a doctor now, but before being anything...learn to BE HUMAN !! Learn to differentiate when to have pity...when to have sympathy...when to be strict..when to be arrogant ...when to be humble and when to be adamant. At each phase and stage of life, learn to forget who you are and how old you are.....learn to realise and accept that when the other is NOT WRONG, there's no harm in agreeing to him. That is how you maintain healthy relations, be it with your parents, siblings, friends or colleagues." SO true that was...he must not even be remembering now about this but I do :-)

I, hereby thank all whom I get to learn from...my parents, my sibs, my daughter, my relatives, my friends, my foes...all :-) Each lesson makes us a better human...if we wish to learn from it and most of all Implement it.

Remember...d you remember.... Who's turn is it now??

Oye chal na aj gol gappe khane chalte hain.....n tab our joint used to be Prince ke gol gappe. Mumma hum jaein? aapke liye chowmein le aenge....you know friends..my li'll sis used to be sooooo chubby...fat, must I say....her classmates bullied her... and I used to fight at home - humei alag school mei kar do..iske friends isse chhedte hain..ye roti hai...school ka lunch nahi khaati...main kya sabse ladti hi rahungi. My Gol Gappa, she was and later accompanied me to eat gol gappas, which she never ate...lol...PAISE for 2 plates, one for both but we used to have one , get her aloo chat !! Moti, do u remember that fight, kaise bhool sakti hai, we keep narrating that to everyone till date, when you bit me and I hit you hard on your back and each fight of ours or us sneaking away from cleaning our room  ended with mum's typical dialogues - jis ghar mei do behne hoti hain na, vaha to dhunde se bhi zameen pe tinka nahi milna chaiye......behno mei to ek dusre ki jaan basi hoti hai...tum dono to mujhe pagal kar dogi...rofl....But see mumma, I proudly say TODAY...hum mei ek dusre ki jaan basi hai :-) and hum dono ke ghar mei hote hue apko dhunde se bhi ek tinka nahi milega :-) Plz exclude Sam's sharartein from all this !!

My milk glasses always poured into moti's tummy making her chubbier and softer and her veggies into my plate...dekho shuru se kitna dhyan rakhte the ek dusre ka hum...root cause..mumma ne kuch bacha hua dekh liya to daant padegi.....so SAATHI HAATH BADANA ..... lol. She used to play with dolls and I was the authorotative teacher. I was like one of her dolls who was growing with her, whom she loved to dress and decorate...hahaha...that reminds me of " BUCHHI" bechare ko parlor parlor khelte khelte ganja kar dala tha humne. But he was soon replaced by Yashu...ganja hone ke liye nahi...to be pampered. Me, a meek character and she, a rebellion ...... me, a writer,a composer, her singer and she, my artist, my crafts lead, my tomboy......me, a stick on her head to study during late nights for exams and she, my voice for all that I needed to ask for...WE.....EACH OTHER'S STRENGTH !!

Hey, mumma papa...you should be so elated and proud to have such kids ;-) ajkal ke bachhe kaha itna pyar karte hain ek dusre se....hahaha. I wonder how kids to the same set of parents with the same nurturing, vary so much in nature, behaviour and then in their fortune .... but blessed we are, having been instilled with values that help us in all goods and bads and more so blessed we are to have the best men as our partners, who are both our weakness as well as our strength.

Thanking mum papa for everything and our respective men in our lives, I would KINDLY like to insist...not to take these posts as our weakness ...Tareef kar di to aasmaan pe mat chad jana koi bhi...I AM EQUALLY A NEED FOR ALL OF YOU ...... hahahaha!!!

Moments cherished !! Home...dedicated to mumma papa and bhai ;-)

I'm digging hard to catch hold of any one instance of the many that are dashing in my mind to begin with... My li'll bro.. so cute he was, now turned into a macho... :-) making me run behind him...where's my baby..behind the curtains...under the table... mmm...here you are..chalo..open your mouth and have a bite...NAH...and there he runs off...another 30 minutes of parade and the li'll tummy is full for this mealtime. Days passed by, so did weeks and months and years, when I saw him grow into a teenager, my chubby boy dressed in a doctor's coat or as a policeman or as KRISHNA each year till he was 6-7, now insists on letting him choose his style of wear and me and Sis here convincing mum dad on one side and him on the other and this continues till date for different matters :-)

Another part of childhood I see now at back of my eyes.... my koochie koo is not well...what was it, I don't remember....mum's badly upset making hell lot of dishes in small quantities, he might put something in his little mouth. O Lord !! why can't kids explain whats wrong..how do I help him...calling docs..pouring in medicine was all the more harder... Burden at workplace, should I go or not..my baby needs me at home, DIDIS cannot replace mumma-papa. Papa's endless calls from office - How's he, did he eat something, should I get something he feels like eating..Okay we'll take him to another doctor today...Sun Sets, there comes Papa with a rolling car to make him happy and we four surround him, making him busy and befooling him into eating something. Papa is singing songs and dancing in front of him..Mumma preparing something and we two sisters, unknowingly, are learning PARENTING !! Clothes were his fantasy and so was dressing him for mum and papa and he was like a soft toy, OUR POSSESSION, for us two.

Growing together, we never realised mumma papa were growing old too :-( We could see ourselves trun into youngsters, and adults with million dreams in our eyes...we couldn't see them with fewer but realistic dreams or should I say expectations from life, of giving the best and safe future to their beloved kids...until the day I got married !!! Then was my sis's turn and bro reaches out to hostel, mumma papa left behind with all these sweet and sour memories. Must have hurt them, for sure. I can realise when I see my girl grow each day..when I see old pics of my li'll bro. We, family, love each other sooo much...how we missed all those years...those moments, not having expressed our love and appreciation. But Its never late :-) A BIG CHANGE..the house we 3 grew up for 20+ years of our life is being shifted from now. Mumma papa moving forward with life but I can see the memory flushes on their faces, when they talk of small incidents that happened in the TV room or under the dining table hmpphh!!

How hard they prayed for us, what toll they have paid for us all these years. Mumma Papa, we all love you so very much and feel sorry for not being good enough at expressing that, but you know we do :-) Its the same for parents as well as kids - ALL PARENTS AND KIDS MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT PARENTS AND KIDS BUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER PERFECTLY !!

A day that seems so short !!

It was a birthday in my family .... and Sam's usual question - mumma when will I grow up to be 5..why does it take so long?? What does she have to do being 5 :-) I ask her to count and there she goes on her fingertips... I ask her to count 30...She begins all over again...and is slowing down by the time she reaches 22...23...lolz..Sammie..mumma is that old that you are not even comfortable counting the number..you will turn just 5....WHOOSH...comes her hand to my shoulder - See...I have grown so BIGGG...now if I turn 5 I can wear your sandals...hahaha !!

An elderly's birthday and he was as excited as Sam is for turning 5 whilst he turns 62 :-) Read a friend's blog about her birthday and my mind was sweeped with thoughts again. A single word "Birthday" and it means so different to all of us. A light conversation last night with my Mr.... and we felt time is flying...life is so short..so short to be enjoyed completely being together. We are losing so many moments of happiness in struggle for survival...rush to have everything possible. Life is so short and years are passing by like anything. Life seems to be as short as a dream but KIDS - they wish to grow up fast :-). We miss the years that have passed for those memories we cherish and always will. I hope all days be as beautiful and awaited as the BIRTHDAY - a day that seems so short, and our lives be full of life :-) AMEN !!

I think to myself..what a wonderful world!!! Is this just a song??!!

I will never forget you my people...I have carved you on the palm of my hand..
I will never forget you..I will not leave you orphaned..I will never forget my own..
Does a mother forget her baby..she has carved her with love in her womb..
Does a mother forget her...does she ever leave her orphaned..
I will never forget my own....

This was just a school hymn ..... but today its a finger I always hold on to :-) A recent incident just made me think...why do people wanna go for moksh...may be I do not understand its deeper meaning but inspite of all hardships, ilnnesses, struggle all around.... I would still want to be blessed to be born again and be able to live in this God's carved world... HE didn't make it the way it is...he made a beautiful world...Dig, hunt, feel, close your eyes and see..there still lies beauty in the world.. I would wish to get born again and live through all the worldly relations ..... BUTT...is it because I consider myself blessed. Don't I have any problems in my life?? I have had...I will have..Life is not a bed of roses...BUT are those hard moments heavier than those love filled ones which I still remember and miss ??!!

ITNI SHAKTI HUMEI DENA DATA....MANN KA VISHWAS KAMZOR HO NA....

Someone asked - Wat is a daughter ??

:-) Being mom to one... for me the instant thought that came as an answer to the question was - my daughter is... is a satin ribbon Almighty wrapped around to hold the bond between me n my hubby stronger..... she is a lesson that time and again makes me realise my mum's value for her efforts of motherhood..... she is a blessing to me that helped me know much much more about myself....who let me learn how patient I can be....how dreadful can I be  at any incident that didn't really happen..... she is a fear....a fear which I didn't realise that it was within my parents when I was getting married being loaded with tons of instructions from my parents on how to settle in the new life with new people and I used to be like...plz I'm just going to a new house!! lolz....a daughter is a bunch of flowers...a cherished bottle of perfume....an always filled mug of tears of joy over the months,days,moments that pass by of her childhood mischiefs...

 

Woops, getting too emotional...but a daughter is always a princess to her parents !!

Fantasies...questions...wonder !!

A lovely bed time story is what my angel looks forward to as soon as sun sets and she begins to ask with a naughty smile - mumma aj khaane mei kya hai?!! My 4 year old often brings up smiles to my face...tickles my brain..touches my heart and makes me dig my soul to answer her innocent questions....
Mumma....you say God is our father...he created all of us...you say plants, animals all are living things and if we hurt any..God is hurt and he will some day ask me from my diary he maitains..why I did so and so...

Yes Darling..thats true...dont be afraid or shy to ask...always be sure that whatever you are doing is right and be humble to accept when it was not right...

Then why do these big fish in discovery eat up those small ones....why does a lion teach its cubs to hunst..why does a Cow, whom we say MATA..eat up the grass...Doesn't God maintain their diaries..Don't their parents teach them not to hurt the smaller weaker living things..
Ahh !! my baby...she is too young to understand the life cycle...hierarchy...nature..but I tried...she listens...seems to be imagining what I am telling her...I am hesitant to have another shot of question from her...Each time I answer her , my brain goes...zooooom...will my answer satisfy her or will it have a second meaning good enough t o confuse her...

This was just one short instance of a few moments, out of the many longer ones ... INNOCENCE ... is God gifted ..... passion...humanity.... love ...embrace.... is what we root into our kids ..... I don't want her to be away from the path of God neither do I want her to get too soft at heart when she sees other's needs and miseries... God help me lead her the right way. I miss my parents each day more n more... those moments when they must have joined hands for me and I was just an innocent kid :-) Thanks Mum Papa... for making me a human that I am... and a big thanks to my hubby dear for adding to it and being with me to follow all this ;-)